Four Days of Ron

All names have been changed to protect the identity of those in this story.  The events did happen. This is my accounting of them. Other parties would assuredly remember these events differently. I am far from blameless, but my actions within these circumstances were motivated solely by a sense of duty to “Ron”.  There was nothing normal, routine or usual about this situation. 

This writing is taken from my daily notes so it’s a bit choppy and in bullet point form at times while at other times it is a rambling written expression of thoughts running through my mind at the time.  I never intended these notes to be shared. They were to be for my own reflection and learning.  Enough time has now passed and the story is not only worth sharing, but needs to be shared for all the “Ron’s” in the world. 

Monday.  

After months of trying I have been hired as a paraprofessional or para-pro for short. This is a surprise turn of events and, I have a feeling, one of pure desperation on the part of the school system. I actually interviewed for this position a couple months ago and it was awarded to someone else. That person may or may not have already been in the union, I really do not know. 

I really do not know. 

That could well be the title of this writing. As I walked into the elementary school this morning I really did not know what I was getting myself in for. All I had been told about the position was that I would be working 1 on 1 with “a little guy named Ron” and that he had been described as “a handful” by Mr. W when offering me the job. The first alarm bell went off when informed I would be working 1 v 1 with a 6 year old student. As I was being hired into a special education classroom, I thought this perhaps an indication that Ron had physical disabilities that he needed help with to negotiate the day.  That proved not to be the case.   

“Ron is a handful.” 

This became clear almost immediately when Ron entered the classroom.  His issues are behavioral related. That might qualify as the understatement of the year.  

“You will need to hold his hand literally all day.” 

I had arrived early that I could find my way, introduce myself and meet with the teacher?  At 7:30 this morning the classroom teacher, Mrs. T arrived, said hello and handed me a manila folder filled with daily reports concerning Ron. This was to consist of my training in preparation for working with Ron.  I found hand written spreadsheets with the following headings: 

Cussing 

Hitting 

Biting 

Spitting 

Self-harm 

Breaking Things 

Throwing Things 

Threatening to Kill 

And other anti-social behaviors. 

Each category had multiple marks for each designated day. Oh, boy.

Why?  My favorite question. Why were only negative behaviors being tracked?  

One of the first things I noticed about the classroom were the student desks. Each was isolated from the others and surrounded by blue tape on the floor designating each student’s individual space. Interesting, but not overly surprising. Having three sons and having been active in their educational processes I had seen similar before. Each student chair had a tape name tag on the back of it and as I scanned them it became evident Ryan’s name was not among them. 

There was also red tape around the teacher’s and the para-pro’s desks indicating these areas were off limits to the students. Also enclosed in red was a storage area consisting of a cabinet and shelving.  Otherwise this appeared to be a fairly typical elementary classroom. 

In a corner of the class sat a work table with three small student chairs. I was informed by Mrs. T this was Ron’s area. There was a sink and vanity actually in the corner and next to that extending towards the doorway was a “quiet area” with a rather interesting set of allowable behaviors. More on that later. 

Shortly after 7:30 am Mrs T left the classroom after stating she was going to get the kids. I was told it would be best for me to remain in the classroom while she did this so as not to upset the kids.  When Mrs. T returned a few short minutes later there were three boys with her. Ron was not among them.  Nothing was said of this and I wondered if Ron was going to be absent this day? 

Each of the 3 boys carried their school provided breakfast and Mrs. T brought a couple of extra meals with her. One for each of us? I didn't think so, but in a new situation and not much communication thus far, I really didn't know.  

The extra meals were placed at an empty student’s desk and at the work table I was sitting at.  So, Ron was expected to be here, but was tardy or elsewhere in the building at the moment?  Or the breakfast was mine? I really didn't know.

At this point in time I have not been provided with the classroom routine, classroom rules or expectations and have been provided virtually no instruction on what my role would be in the classroom in working with Ron. I have no idea what the expectations are for me.  

I have “met” John, Carl and David.  

The Pledge of Alliance is recited. 

Shortly thereafter Ron arrives. 

Ron is small even for a six year old boy. By classroom standards where the other students appear to be  older, much older than Ron.  He is tiny in comparison. I do not know the ages of the other students, but I'm guessing they are at least 3rd graders, maybe 4th graders.  

Ron is also filthy. Dirty clothes and grubby dirt on his face and hands. It’s been quite awhile since he was bathed.

I am thinking about movies at this point. 

The best movies are ones that develop the cast of characters early on. The Dirty Dozen is a favorite movie of mine for this reason. We get a feel for the characters in that movie from the on-set.  It’s no coincidence this particular movie came to mind today.  

If I was given minimal information about Ron I knew even less about the rest of the students in the classroom. I also knew next to nothing about the classroom teacher.  Rarely have I felt as isolated in a situation as I did this morning. I’m not sure unwelcomed is the correct term, but I certainly was not made to feel comfortable. 

Ron did not eat much of his breakfast. This was not normal from what little information I was gleaning at this point. New aide working with him threw Ron off his game perhaps? Again, I really do not know. 

No classroom schedule. 

It seems after breakfast the kids have some free time to settle into the day?  I am not sure about this, but there doesn’t seem to be a set structure to what they are to be about until they gather in the diagonally opposite corner from where Ron and I are located. Here they began to identify the number of days in the month, the days of the week, the months of the year and such. This is a typical start to an elementary school day in my experiences except Ron and I were not included.

Ron made no move to join his classmates. As I made to have Ron join the group I was told to keep Ron there. No official explanation as to why we were not to join the rest of the class just “Ron doesn’t do this.” 

So, I had been provided a binder with laminated work papers and a small stack of first level readers for Ron. No specific instructions other than these were things Ron could do. Well, alrighty then. This is what I set about working with Ron on.   

It immediately became apparent Ron could, in fact, not do any of these things.  Ron cannot read, does not know the alphabet, does not recognize numbers and has no clue about colors. Besides behavioral issues Ron quite obviously has learning disabilities that are part of the reason why he is in a special education classroom. But, oh my! 

I was unable to finish "reading" a simple 6 page picture book with Ron because his attention span is so short. We were unable to do any of the work papers in the binder because Ron is incapable of even the simplest of tasks.  His attention was repeatedly drawn to where his classmates were gathered with Mrs. T.  

What am I to do with this little guy all day?  

Perhaps more importantly, what has been done with little guy to date this school year?  

Something seems off about this whole situation.

Ron is isolated from everyone else at lunch.  He sits at a table by himself.  I sit with Ron.  The first thing I notice is how Ron watches the other kids. He watches those from his own classroom in particular, but any of the other children in general. I cannot tell what he is thinking, but I interpret it as wistfully wanting to be included. Maybe that is just my personal interpretation though –  I was wanting to be included as a member of this new classroom and "team"? 

Ron’s “behaviors” or as I would label them “misbehaviors” have been gradually showing themselves. There is a general lack of cooperation accompanied by lots of cussing. The cussing deems to be for reaction. He just blurts out “fuck” or “cunt” or “shit” to get a reaction. 

Ron seems to enjoy yelling or “roaring” at other people, in particularly Carl who is a classmate.  I was informed of this after the fact, after this occurred in my presence for the first time. I was made to feel bad for allowing Ron to pick on Carl and could not help thinking it would have been nice to be forewarned. So, Ron is a bit of a bully and Carl is a favorite target.  Good to know even if that knowledge came after an incident occurred. 

The afternoon passes much as the morning did. No terribly violent episodes with Ron. Aside from the swearing it’s more the constant behavior of a 2 or 3 year old without respite. He seemed to like the classroom “quiet area” adjacent to our corner. At one point he carried a stuffed giraffe into this area and was sitting calmly with it.  This was the third instance of the day when he went to the quiet area. None were remarkable unless sitting / lying calmly is to be considered remarkable where Ron is concerned. 

At this point the Mrs. T scolded Ron for having the stuffed giraffe in the quiet area and for talking quietly with me while in this area.  Well, alrighty then.  Once again I felt admonished as well and bad for having gotten Ron in trouble with his teacher.  Who knew he wasn't supposed to cuddle a stuffed giraffe in the quiet area?  I'm sure there is a reason for this, but I never did learn what it was even after inquiring politely about what was and was not allowed in the quiet area.  I fail to understand how if I don’t know the classroom rules and expectations, how I am to know when I’m not following them? 

  

When Ron left for the day I had approximately an hour left in my day.  I was curious about why Ron arrived late and left early. No explanation has been given at this time. I will ask. The rest of the students had approximately a half an hour left in their day.  I returned to reading the folder of reports written by Ron’s past aides. At least this is who I surmise wrote the reports as they are not signed.  After all the kids had left for the day I inquired of Mrs. T about Ron arriving late and leaving early. “He rides a special bus”.  I also inquired how I had done and if she had any advice for me.  I did not get much input and this would continue to be the pattern throughout the week.  

In summary of my first day I learned Ron arrives late and leaves early. Ron rides a special bus. Ron and I were isolated from the rest of the class and not paid much attention to unless Ron's behavior became extremely disruptive.  Mrs. T worked briefly with Ron 1 on 1 once in the morning and once in the afternoon.  It was apparent she too struggled with Ron’s inability to concentrate for more than a couple of minutes at a time. Ron seemed to really enjoy his 1 on 1 time with Mrs. T and was disappointed when he did not receive it either in terms of when he wanted it or for how long he wanted it to last.  Mrs. T seemed to treat her 1 on 1 time with Ron as an obligation more than something she enjoyed or wanted to be doing.  I suspect Ron's enjoyment of the 1 on 1 time is not even about the direct interaction with her as much as it is about being temporarily allowed out of isolation. Ron and I were isolated at lunch time.  Ron likes to play with a plastic lawn mower thinking of it as a sweeper?  This has been the only sign of imagination or knowing how to play I observed all day. And, that sink located near our work table? Ron LOVES to wash his hands. He's not allowed to unless granted permission by Mrs. T, but he wanted to wash them frequently.  Most importantly I learned Ron was an outsider in the classroom. There were no expectations of him being able to do the same academic work as the rest of the class ... or any academic work?

Monday night I thought about my soccer teams and how they could be related to my first days experience with Ron. It was a discouraging thought exercise in many regards and I am left to wonder what I am to do? What are the expectations for me in this classroom setting? What is my role? What are my responsibilities? 

To be honest, even though it’s only been one day, our classroom team chemistry is below average at this point which is to say I am floundering.  Not to say that our classroom team has a problem (unless Ron and I are it), but I believe it important to properly identify any situation before attempting to address the situation.  What factors are involved and at play influencing the situation? This is what I have come up with for team chemistry in our situation. 

As individual members we are drawn together as a group by a common interest. In this case that common interest is education.  Special Education to be precise. It might be that I bring diversity to the group in light of my inexperience. I have been told three times today that having a fresh set of eyes on the situation is helpful . This diversity brings a complexity dynamic to the group that I believe could be a key to our team chemistry. As we witness in the world about us, diversity can tear us apart or make us incredibly strong.  I am not sure we as a team have fully determined which it will be for us at this point in time. Diverse team members will have diverse points of views based on their experiences, knowledge and skill levels. The respect afforded to each diverse opinion might actually be more important than the opinion itself which brings us to ...

How members of a group interact with one another directly impacts the efficiency and effectiveness of a group’s performance. In a basic sense each player must have and accept a defined role. In a broader sense each player must embrace his role within the standards set by the team. There must also be appropriate enforcement of the standards set for the team.  

The most prominent or noticeable role on a team is that of leadership. It has been my experience teams operate best when there is a single unified direction for the team orchestrated by a single voice. I am not labeling classroom leadership as lacking or ineffective at this point in time, but it does need to be better from my perspective.  

Tuesday.

I begin riding the bus with Ron.  Suddenly I was aware of why Ron arrived late and left early.  There is an experienced aide with me this first time out to get me through the morning and afternoon bus rides. I follow her instructions and all seems to go well. Actually received more instructions about bus protocol than I have about classroom protocol at this point in the process.  

Ron rides the bus to and from school by himself. It's a big normal school bus. He is made to sit inside near the window with his aide seated next to him near the aisle.  He is confined to this seat. I learn it is because of behavioral issues. The school does not feel they can guarantee the safety of other students in Ron's presence nor the safety of the bus driver.

I’ve read the reports and stories of outrageous and violent behavior in the binder, but have not yet personally seen anything to substantiate these concerns. 

Mrs. "A", the regular classroom aide returned to work. About 10:00 am I overheard a discussion of fast food restaurants with Arby’s finally being decided upon.  Mrs. A soon left. She returned about a half hour later with several orders of food from Arby’s.  Neither Mrs. T nor Mrs. A included me in the discussion, asked if I wanted to order anything from Arby’s or offered an explanation as to why I was not included.  Not that I would have participated as I had brought my lunch, but I was completely ignored and that hurt. I began to relate to Ron’s isolation.  I have no idea to this day what I had done to be ignored and mistreated in this manner.  How had I managed to offend these two ladies?   

What the hell have I gotten myself in to? 

Each individual of a team is as equally important as any other individual. Therefore secondary leadership roles are important to acknowledge, foster and grow. It is important these secondary leaders accept their role as subordinate to the team leaders. In order for this to happen roles must be clearly defined and expectations precisely outlined. Every team member must know the team standards. That has not been the case for me in Mrs. T's classroom. 

Standards are the written rules that every team member is expected to conform to while norms are the often unwritten or informal rules all team members are expected to conform to. I have received no written standards to go by. The norms are a team’s culture and whether the norms are functional or dysfunctional a team tends to sanction those who violate the norms. I am learning the norms on the fly and as might be expected there have been a few bumps and potholes in the road.   

A team catalyst is someone in a leadership role on the team. It does not have to be a designated leader as a secondary leader can aptly fill this role as well, but it is probably best if it is a leader - the teams coach or team captain. Leaders provide direction, structure activities, provide and share information, promote positive relationships, support and encouragement.  This, I have found to be lacking in my first days on this job. 

Every team has an energy all its own.  It is defined by how the individual energy of its members interacts with that of other team members. When individuals are motivated by team goals energy tends to be very positive. When individual agendas permeate a team its energy is usually very negative. of course, all this is predicated on their being interaction taking place.  

I feel my own classroom energy is being perceived as negative. In my defense, I do not feel I have been included on the specifics of the classroom agenda. It’s not that I want to be a negative energy choice. I have sought guidance from Mrs. T and Mrs. A to little avail. Direct questions are not answered definitively and follow up questions seeking clarification are condescendingly dismissed.  I have become aware of conflict among us, but am not sure the source of the conflict or what the rules for engagement are. 

I really do not know.

I do believe there is a general misconception that good team chemistry is devoid of conflict. This goes back to our diversity as a team. We will have many different perspectives on any given situation and an honest open exchange of ideas and opinions should be encouraged. The difference between healthy team chemistry and a toxic team chemistry is found in the level of acceptance to what is ultimately agreed upon by the team as a whole. I have been left to wonder what I am supposed to agree to. 

Negative energy clouds the vision of what a team aspires to be. 

I am left to flounder and discern on my own what the classroom agenda inclusive of Ron and I is supposed to be.  And that might be directly to the point, maybe Ron and I are not desired to be part of the classroom agenda? It's more of a keep Ron and yourself out of our way, but follow whatever the rules are while doing so. I I have begun to believe Ron's presence, and by association my own presence, is barely being tolerated in this classroom.  This is not a good place to be. The open derisive animosity I am feeling from Mrs. T and Mrs. A is disturbing.  It's a hostile environment for some reason that I am unaware of. 

A primary responsibility of leadership is to promote positive energy. Goals to motivate both the individual team members and the collective team are necessary to focus our energy in a single direction much like a laser beam.  Goals are often specific and measurable, but a vision... a vision is a collective goal of what a team can aspire to be.  A vision is what a team draws its inspiration and passion from as a collective group. A vision can be what makes a team an attraction. At this point I am not convinced a team atmosphere is what is desired by Mrs. T and Mrs. A.  At least where I am concerned. They have their team and I am my own team? Not competing against one another, but not working cooperatively together toward a common goal either.

Trust is the glue of life, the most essential ingredient in effective communication. Trust is the foundational principal that holds all relationships together. And relationships are what team chemistry is all about.  

Without honesty there can be no trust and the resulting poor relationship will negatively impact the quality of performance ... and life.  I do not believe I have been dealt with dishonestly. I feel more as though I have not been dealt with much at all and resulting interaction has thus been negative in the sense of attention only being given to mistakes I have made in working with Ron. There is no social interaction nor positive reinforcement shared with me. 

 Ignorance is no defense, but in light of a lack of proper guidance it does manifest itself.   Unintentionally so, but in the lack of effective communication it is found.

  

Like so many things in life team chemistry is a very simple thing.  When the focus is on WE rather than ME good team chemistry exists.  When ME is the individuals primary motivation conflict exists with WE and team chemistry suffers.  It really is that simple.  Except when WE is not clearly defined. I do not wish to be ME centered in the classroom, but I have not been provided standards and norms of what WE should be in this classroom.  I feel I am being forced into a "Me" role through being isolated and or not included.

Again, the suspicion "we" is not a desired aspiration in this classroom is growing within me.

I "met" Ron's mother when I delivered him to her at the bus stop. Oh, my.  She was as filthy as Ron is and had a baby on her hip who didn't appear any cleaner.  I gained a new appreciation for Ron.

May 10. 

I’ve got this. 

Ron has a timeout corner. When his misbehavior exceeds the limits he is placed in a corner and his aide or Mrs. T turn their back to him and stand with heels touching his legs or feet.  I learned this, or perhaps surmised this, from reading the reports about Ron in the red binder. Also in those reports were reports we’re descriptions of people being attacked with scissors, being hit in the privates, being bitten in the back of the leg and other attacks on their bodies. Most seemed to have occurred while the victim’s back was turned to Robin. 

My conclusion; there is no way in hell I am turning my back on Ryan when he is upset enough that placement in his timeout corner is necessary. 

The kid wants attention, not to be ignored. If ignored, he gets your attention. This isn't rocket science. 

I had placed Ron in his timeout corner and was working with him to calm him down when Mrs. T interrupted and talked over the top of me with her words. Her instructions to Ron were basically what mine were to Ron.   I interjected that “I’ve got this” which upset Mrs. T.  Absolutely no disrespect intended on my part, but I really stuck my foot in my mouth here. Big, HUGE mistake. 

I had interpreted Ron and I were isolated and to do our own thing, but Mrs. T obviously felt she needed to be the enforcer with Ron when he misbehaved. Or she did not know or trust me well enough to know I had this situation under control.

Not to justify being insubordinate but to explain, my reasoning was quite simple – duplication of the process was not necessary and an additional voice to the chaos only worsened the problem.  Ron was responding and calming down after I had easily blocked 4 attempts to strike me. I remained calm and did not scold him for trying to hit me. It was a game to Ron. I won. The look in his eyes told me we had reached a point of respect.  

I should have backed down and allowed Mrs. T to address Ron and the situation. My mistake. I had been left to my own devices sans an understanding of expectations, standards, and norms for the classroom. I learned this one the hard way. It has been brought to my attention repeatedly. 

At this point, I’ve got this at this.  

And I would get it again and again no matter how many times I fell on my sword.  Lost in this episode was the damage done by Mrs. T to the developing relationship between Ron and I.  He was not out of control nor being a danger to himself or anyone else.  His feeble attempts at striking me not withstanding.  If I had had my back to Ron, that might have been a different matter, but I did not have my back to him.

Walking with Ron. 

Ron has a twitch in his right eye. When the right eye begins twitching Ron is ramping up and an outburst is about to happen.  It took me less than two days to notice this with Ron. Evidently it was news to Mrs. T and Mrs. A who subsequently acknowledged it.  

I honestly did not know if I was allowed to take Ron for walks.  The rules regarding Ron that I was learning were restrictive in the least. I simply knew I had to break his train of thought or he was going to off. So, I took Ron out of the classroom and walked the hall with him for a bit. When he calmed down,  we returned to the classroom. Less than 5 minutes tops.  Nothing was said to me about why we left or where we went. Implied consent? 

Once I discovered taking him for a walk was a possibility I would take Ron for a walk about the school when I noticed his right eye began to twitch.  For what it's worth, I took the initiative to do so based on the lack of response for having done so the first time and, because 1) I feared drawing Mrs. T's wrath once again for interrupting her classroom to ask permission and 2) I hadn't seemed to do much right in her eyes anyway so had lost any concern about being reprimanded yet again for breaking a rule I didn't know existed. And to be perfectly honest, walking was not a perfect solution as Ron  threw a tantrum in the hallway during one of our walks, but for the most part it has worked well.   

Ron also really enjoys music.  It doesn’t seem to matter what type of music either.  One of the school tablets has a smattering of current tunes that I thought were likely off limits for the kids to listen to?  I'm not sure how they got on there to begin with but RAP and TRAP music didn't seem appropriate for Ron, in my estimation. Ron did listen to some of these tunes today within earshot of Mrs. T and Mrs. A without being reprimanded. He smiled. He rocked back and forth in his seat in time with the music.  

I remain less than confident concerning whether Ron was to be listening to these songs. 

After lunch I brought my phone into the building with me and played Pachabel’s Canon in D for Ron while on a walk to the cafeteria. It seemed to almost mesmerize Ryan having a soothing and relaxing effect on him.  I did not hide the fact I was playing Pachabel to Ron. I just did not do so in the classroom where Mrs. T and or Mrs. A were likely to observe it happening. I was admittedly avoiding confrontation over playing music in the classroom. And I certainly did not want to be accused of being disruptive to the others who were engaged in various work activities.   

Wednesday.

Ron peed his pants. I suspect this was done on purpose. It might have been brought on by a new set of pants Ron was wearing today.  Ron has had on the same red polo, camouflage underwear, khaki pull up pants without button or zipper and Velcro shoes without socks all week. I brought Shout! wipes in to spot clean snot and food stains from his shirt. I received a raised eyebrow look from Mrs. t for my efforts.

Today Ron had on khaki pants with a button and belt.  It might be that he did not negotiate the belt and button quickly enough and ended up peeing his pants. Regardless, he peed himself.  I wasn’t overly disappointed as I thought we might finally get some clean clothes on him!   

I was told  by the office secretary to wait in the nurses office for her to return to take care of Ron. Well, that presented a bit of a problem. The space was not very big and a bit cluttered. I couldn’t sit Ron down in a chair as he was wet. I also couldn't let him near enough to anything that he could grab it. So, I chose a spot as near the middle of an open area as I could and firmly held Ron's hand. 

I only relaxed for a second. It was more about shifting my weight than even relaxing. Ron picked that moment to pull on my hand. The result was with my weight entirely on my left leg I was twisted around. My knee took the brunt of it.  My knee hurt, but not severely so. I figured I could walk it off and be alright. 

The nurse soon returned and my mind went back to clean clothes for Ron!

Nope.

The school nurse provided clean underwear and a clean pair of pants (no clean shirt) for Ron until his stepfather showed up with new clothes. Well, new in the sense of they were not the ones Ron had peed on earlier. His stepfather brought the same filthy stained pants Ryan had worn all week and a “clean” pair of underwear. 

The body odor is strong with Ryan. 

I had a slight limp as we went back to the classroom.

Carl goes off.  Explosive misbehavior highlighted by screaming, throwing of shoes and thrashing about. Mrs. T and Mrs. A restrained Carl and placed him in the quiet area next to Ron and I’s work table.  Ron communicated to me that he was uncomfortable with Carl's  behavior so I took him through the teacher red zone and away from the quiet area. Once it became apparent Mrs. T and Mrs. A had the situation under control I stepped outside the classroom with Ron and sat on the park bench right outside the door. We listened to Pachabel a bit and Ron remained calm.  A small, but huge victory in my eyes.   

Making progress in the process of building a working relationship with Ron. I am beginning to have hope.

Ron worked with Miss B. of the Family Resource Center (FRC) just before lunch time today.  It did not go well. Ron really does not like women for whatever reason. His misbehavior seems to spike when he interacts with Mrs. A or immediately after having interacted with Mrs. T. These are my observations.  Miss B elicited a similar response.  I did learn that Ron has an appointment with a counselor at FCR on Friday at either 11:00 am or 12:00 noon dependent on who is relaying the information to me.  Good to know even if it did come out of the blue. 

Friday.

Neither Mrs. T nor Mrs. A bring Ron’s school provided breakfast this morning.  I am left to wonder if they know he will not be coming to school due to his FRC appointment or whether this is some message to me that I should get Ron’s breakfast. I asked Mrs. T., but received a non-committal response so I went down and got Ron the day’s offerings for breakfast.  

I board the bus to go get Ron. I don't know that I have related this yet, but Ron is the sole passenger on the bus both to pick him up and drop him off. He is to sit on the inside near the window with me on the aisle side of the seat. He's a runner and misbehaves in general so I understand this. I relate simply as another example of how Ron is isolated and restrained. every second of the school day.

Ron is not at the bus stop. It now seems apparent Mrs T and Mrs A knew this would be the case and I have been left out of the loop?  What the heck is going on here?

I return to school. 

I inquire of Mrs. T as to what she would have me do. 

Mrs. T refers me to the office. 

The secretary refers me to the principal. 

The principal refers me to Mrs. R's room. 

Mrs. K in Mrs. R’s room refers me back to the office. 

I spend the morning in the resource center looking for picture books to share with Ron. It seems to me Ron has no imagination other than to pretend a chair is a sweeper.  The boy does not know how to play.  I’m not sure how he is supposed to learn without knowing how to interact constructively with others. I want to see if Ron can make up / tell me a story based on the pictures in the book.  I tried this with some classroom books but he seems to know the general story line in those books. He cannot read the books, but has the gist of the stories. 

About 10:00 am I made my way back to Mrs. T’s classroom and began reading more reports on Ron. These were in a red folder that is located on Mrs. T’s desk. She had mentioned this before and I had read some, but did not really have enough alone time to go through them all. There are a lot.  This morning I took more time to read and learn. What I found is Ron is functioning at a very to extremely low level. He is in the .1 percentile of kids his age in every category tested. Ron is basically a 2 or 3 year old in a 6 ½ year old's body. 

Yeah, that is exactly how Ron acts.  Other than the cussing and the threats of bodily harm or killing, Ron’s behaviors are those of a boy in the “terrible twos” only more pronounced. That is, incidents happen with greater frequency than with a typical two year old.  

Friday afternoon I was with Mrs. K’s class until after recess. It was enjoyable. She has students with IEP’s but not the behavioral issues found with Mrs. T’s students.  Really enjoyed my short time with Mrs. K’s class.  

Later in the afternoon Mrs. K's class went into Mrs. T’s classroom.  While the two classes were together they were completely segregated from one another by student choice.  They did not interact with one another at all.  While Finding Dory played on a TV the kids played on their own.  Mrs. K’s students played with Playdough, Legos and tablets while Mrs. T’s students played on computers. 

I again asked what Mrs. T would have me do.  No direct response. So, I played with Playdough and Legos.  I thought at 2:00 I would be riding the bus, but no such luck. I remained with the combined classes and returned to reading reports on Ron’s behavior. 

At the end of the school day after the kids have departed I inquire of Mrs. T how my first week went.   

I now received background information on Mrs. T's education and work experience. I also received information on Mrs. A’s 23 years of experience as an aide.  I was dressed down once again about my “I’ve got it” comment and informed I wasn’t a team player?   Mrs. T stated she and Mrs. A worked well as a team.  Mrs. T repeatedly said she knew I was offended … only I was not.  I was finally receiving feedback of some type. Not sure I could ever label it constructive, but it was informative in the least so that was progress!

I just have no idea what Mrs' T's insistence that she was offending me was about? I really do not know. Maybe  she was intentionally trying to offend me at that point and was looking for confirmation of having done so?

I really don't know.

My taking walks with Ryan were brought up as was listening to music with him.  Of course.  Mrs. T also commented on my trying to get Ryan to recognize colors in a practical setting and how this was a futile gesture.  All this in what I construed as a condescending impatient voice.  She evidently wanted to make me feel inferrior by insulting me?  Well, alrighty then. 

I still have not been provided written classroom rules and standards. I am learning classroom norms by trial and error. All while working with a 2-3 year old boy stuck in a 6 ½ year old's body.  Ron cannot perform the educational tasks his classmates do simply because developmentally he is as much as 4(?) years behind them.

Sure he becomes frustrated. Sure he acts out.  Who wouldn’t when placed in a similar situation? He is isolated. He is ostracized. He is a victim of prejudice.  And he is not at fault for any of it. How can anyone hold a 2-3 year old accountable for the adult decisions being made about him?  He does not belong in Mrs. T’s classroom and it is clear she does not want Ron (nor his aide) in her classroom, but that seems to be the best fit for him the school has at this time?  

It is plainly evident Ron needs to be removed from his mother’s, father’s and stepfathers custody but Children Services has no resources, financial or otherwise, to do so. Marimor might be a better setting and it seems to me that is the plot being set by Mrs. T, Mrs. A and the  school system – just get through this year and be done with Ron. 

I stated to Mrs. T that I feel I am being asked to babysit Ryan and she agreed.  Seriously, she agreed. 

In response to being told she didn't want to abandon group teaching time to deal with him, I inquired if there were specific times of the classroom day that I could or should take Ron on a walk that would enable her to do group work with the others. I received another rambling response about leaving the classroom and taking Ron on walks, having him listen to music and attempting to do practical activities like the one I referenced above. I don't know if it's okay to do these things with him or not? 

I really do not know.

And I'm wondering if Mrs. T even knows?

I was told Ron had had a good week, a very good week for Ron, but it felt like a backhanded compliment.  I was told of Ron not having a positive male role model and I was providing him that.  These were the only positive remarks I received from Mrs. T.  That they seemed to be in contradiction to the things I had been dressed down about trying with Ron leaves me more confused than ever.

I’m not sure what input I expected and only know I did not receive what I needed.  Like, what are Ron's educational goals as set forth in his IEP and how am I supposed to be helping him achieve these.  My suspicion is these are a non-issue with Mrs. T and maybe the school. Ron is being tolerated because this is a public school and they have to Take him as a student. The whole tracking of negative behavior is about documenting proof to remove Ron from the school system.  I am convinced of this because I noticed my own notes on Ryan had been doctored to reflect more "incidents" than actually occurred.

Go ahead and correct me, even criticize me – but provide me with the alternatives you would have me employ.  Fill me in on the hidden agenda so I know where I stand. I will learn and I will become a valuable team member. Or throw me to the wolves and let me fend for myself, but if you do this at least acknowledge my efforts before you criticize my techniques and scold me for not performing to your unshared expectations for me.  

I will do my best for Ron. That is a promise. 

Sunday. 

Here I sit wondering what the best course of action is going forward.  Do I return to the elementary school and Ron tomorrow morning and continue my attempts to reverse engineer the expectations, standards and norms of Mrs. T’s classroom?  Is this stress I need in my life at this time? Do I dare be yet another to abandon Ron and leave him to “the system?”  I am conflicted.  I am willing to work with Mrs. T and Mrs. A but there seems to be reluctance on their part to work with me.  

Left to find my own way, to take initiative then be reprimanded when I do?  

Not including me in lunch plans?  Openly excluding and ostracizing me for no apparent reason. 

Ineffective communication in the classroom when there is any communication at all with me?  

What behavior is being modeled for these students?  I am trying to be a team player but there is a void of leadership.  I’m not being led.  So, I don’t know how I am to follow.  

Yet, I am not a team player? I really, really do not know about this one. 

To make matters worse, my knee has swollen to more than twice its normal size. I am beginning to think I have a more serious injury than first believed. I've been resting it and have it wrapped. Ice it several times a day and am popping Aleve and Ibuprofen alternatively. Really considering going to OIO in the morning.

Monday.

The doctor suspects cartilage and ligament damage in my knee and orders an MRI.  I do not have insurance. As much as I am reluctant to do so, I will need to file a workman's comp claim. That's another story altogether.  On orders from the orthopaedic surgeon I did not return to work.  I was disappointed, near devastated to abandon Ron. He desperately needs an advocate.. I felt like I was making a positive difference with Ron and the God Lord knows that little boy needs all the positive attention he can get.